VENDO MACHINE

I am depressed, totally sad…I am feeling so damn useless, I can’t focus. ..i don’t know what to do…HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!its all coming back to me….ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What to choose?I chose “1SA” here I am empower, here I became “who I am”.

I badly needed money…it makes me frustrated, though I know it was my fault why I am having this kind of difficulty. I knew this would ruin my relationship to people around me specially to my housemates. I’d rather to work my asses out day and night just to earn enough to pay my due. It just that it wasn’t my fault why things turn out this way.I thought working in Prime Academy as Operation Manager would make my financial stable. But I am earning enough in my line of job as a freelancer but still I need stability. Perhaps I miscalculated everything, I trusted way too much my security in that fuck up academy and didn’t noticed my envious faggot enemies. Well, can’t change the past all I need to do now is stabilize all my debts it may take long to pay my debts but I need to act right?

After this, I promise to be more careful on my spending and save for the future. My mom is right, I’ve been working so hard for these past years and still I don’t have savings. Seriously, being like this made me realize how pathetic my career in terms of financial. Then again, it’s all my fault, because of my kindness or you could say my “foolishness” I wasn’t able to save some for myself.

I’m terribly pissed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I’ve been a good friend all throughout these years…after all you’ve done to me?I can’t stand  you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The 1953 absurd play titled “Waiting for Godot” by Samuel Beckett tackle the psychoanalytical or in other words the human behavior, experience and the irrational drives of humans. The play illustrates the ambiguity philosophical side of people through the state of reflection of human behavior through the midst of suffering like poverty and disaster. Waiting for Godot was written in French language and translated in English and being played enormous times in different settings. The historical background considering during the time of war perhaps the idea came from French resistance to the Germans during World War II which denoted from the guerrilla movement known as the “Marquis” in some rural areas in France. Another possible inspiration was the allegory of the cold war between The USA and Russia which lasted for more than 6 decades. Another factor might be also a part of Ireland – mainland Britain struggle for independence through the core of Irish view to British authorization of ruling the land as far as the play translation to English language in which Irish accent was given emphasize to discourse the event more appealing to the audience.  Furthermore, the theme of the play has its emotional appeal in a multitude of ways, the communication technique used most often in rhetoric with the used of metaphor and storytelling that made this play considered as dark, uncanny to our conscious mind.

   The two main characters namely; Estragon and Vladimir represent the straggle of humans to cope with the stress of living the life of poverty and waiting for a savior believing this would ease the burden of emptiness. The time consumed for what was the real score for those caught in vain as the war concern more on people struggling to survive.  As the two characters, argued for some times hoping for Godot to come, an unknown character in the play carried the highlights of many scenes between the two.  The exchanges of dialogues among the characters gave more emphasis to the rule individually characterize with the relations to the human vague behavior. Like, Pozzo and Lucky, the best interpretation of our selfishness and muteness towards uncertainty in life. The two boys could be the representation of our humility and innocence. The play also exercises the aspect of religion and politics, a satire to the event of losing hope and the discussion involving the bible teaching could initially an act of repentance as Vladimir and Estragon discussion of two thieves. The symbolic representation of the tree as the back draft of the play could lead to the tree of life as so the boy described Godot as a bearded-man which he works as a herder. Probably the messenger of Godot for the two can be Godot acted as God to man or the précised movement of the characters flew to the direction of the religious aspects of the play. This also explains the theater style and production by adding bible parable to the lines in the play made the subject more skeptical to the audience. Thinking for more meaning but still focusing on life and man ambiguity towards the truth behind life.

At the moment of my struggle to stay or to go I would definitely could say I considered happy to have this kind of life i am having now, though lacking satisfaction probably because i haven’t met the man I deserve to be with and love me unconditionally. Another factor would be myself for i am not satisfied with my life. my dreams, no, my goals, I haven’t quenched my inner thirst,to have this kind of opportunity to prove that i am a strong person, a woman with substance, an extraordinary one, that i am like a weed in the field no matter what the situation i encounter i still standing in full blossom with its unique vibrant color among the rests. Experiencing this, somehow I learned not to avoid life but to face it. I can manage to turn back in and stay while half of me wanted to go. Guess the best would come out in terms of the needs. I am absolutely positive about any decision in life. i will continue learning and I will make myself better than before. I can make differences in my life as well as to others. I know my place now, and I know what to do. this experience only manifested how I was before and how should I act now. 

I don’t know what to do with my life nowadays, feels like I am back to zero. Kinda confusing since I should bit a little ease for what I had achieved in the past years of being a teacher. Great feelings, knowing that without my advice I established my name in this industry. But, what is going on? I feel strange, like I am in the midst of taking another changes in life. Frankly, I feel like giving up, I wanted more, I can’t satisfied myself now. Perhaps, it has to do with money, of course, money matters, though the more I gain popularity the more I earned. Maybe, this time is not really my time, somehow, there’s a portion of me telling to quit and find a job that stable in terms of financial and definitely for a long run. Is it a crime to justify yourself? in my down moments I’m thinking of giving up but I know for a fact that I wouldn’t easily give up. I go on though I know that I am already losing. Yes, my expectation is quite high but I’ve never lose hope. definitely I can find a way. I need to deal with myself, my priority, one month before Christmas I have to change course. Plan, plan, plan….i need this now.

I really wanna have this…WHITE APPLE I PAD t.t I need to save money first so I can buy this before Christmas…my gift for myself.